Are You Confident Enough?
Let me let you in on a little secret about motherhood. We all doubt ourselves at one time or another along this journey called motherhood.
In my opinion it’s pretty normal and natural to doubt ourselves a lot when we first become mothers. Think about it, you go from being a person who only has to care for yourself to a person whose every need is reliant on you 24/7 for, a life time. And it is a job you’ve never done before (even if you have had siblings or nieces and nephews or dogs that you’ve cared for — it is so not the same thing when you’ve become a mother), it comes with no “orientation period” or instruction manual, and you have to start it when you have just given birth and are your most exhausted.
I think another really tough aspect of being a mother is seeing other mothers do what you are doing, day in and day out, and seemingly easily. No matter who you are or how long you’ve been a mother or how many kids you have, you know another mother who has more kids or tougher circumstances that seems to be doing it better. “She is always dressed. Her kids behave in public. Her house is clean. She actually looks happy!” And you wonder — how does she do it? Why can’t I? What is wrong with me? It isn’t just the new moms that feel this way either — I still do sometimes. And I’m eight kids and two decades in.
In a world of Instagram perfection, it can be difficult to feel like the strong, confident momma that is living within you…sometimes deep, deep down within you (but I promise, she is there).
Your feed is flooded with beautiful images of other mothers’ babies who always look perfectly content, without a tear or tantrum in sight. Better yet, there are countless pictures of well-put-together mommas who look like they have somehow managed to pull off a full 8 hours of sleep, all without a drop of spit up or baby goop staining their clothes (and did I mention, they are wearing “real” clothes…not the leggings and baggy sweater that you’ve worn three days in a row, and that your husband now lovingly refers to as your “mom uniform”).
Who are these women? How are they so perfect? How did they find the time to shower, let alone put on makeup? Why don’t their babies seem to keep them up all night nursing at the all-you-can-eat milk buffet? What are their secrets and what am I doing wrong? These are the nagging questions that run through our minds as we casually scroll through our social media feeds and see all of this blissful “perfection.”
I think one of the biggest challenges to confidence is fear. Sometimes the fear is valid and sometimes it seems irrational. The key is to to remember that we’re all scared sometimes and we aren’t alone (even when we feel alone) because every mother has dealt with a poop blowout in public or had to nurse a screaming baby under pressure or had their kid give them attitude in front of others, or whatever it is that is causing you to doubt yourself at the moment. We have ALL been there in one way or another. And we’re all just trying to do our best.
When I start to doubt myself, I look at myself in the mirror and remind myself that I have grown life in my body, delivered 5 babies, nursed them through some tough times, and I still meet most of the needs of our little humans. Me. I did that. I do that. And if I can do that, I can handle anything.
The only downside is that in sharing only the good stuff, we may sometimes give a false sense of perfection to our fellow mommas in the trenches. I’m all for a beautifully lit, golden hour photo of you and your baby sweetly strolling along the beach. I frequently chase after those shots myself, but I strive to also balance out all that prettiness with some realness too.
Aside from raising our babies in the best way we can, our next job as mothers is to keep it real with one another and build each other up so we can experience self-confidence that is so well-deserved and long overdue. Motherhood is amazing…it truly is, but it also has some messiness. By showing the full picture of what motherhood is – grittiness and all, we are keeping it real with ourselves and with the other moms out there who really could use the reassurance that being a mother doesn’t always look picture perfect.
In the early stages of new motherhood, we are especially susceptible to feeling less than confident in almost every decision we make. While this is perfectly normal, these feelings of insecurity should never be allowed to consume us. When in doubt of your own abilities as a mother, reach out to a fellow mama friend or even your own mother, and I promise you will find that she has experienced the very same thing – and somehow, made it out the other side.
Although, confidence frequently comes from within, it is also something that we can help to inspire in others through both sharing our adoration of motherhood and commiserating with one another during the challenges as well. It feels good to bond over the many commonalities of motherhood and to empower our own self-confidence in the process. Embrace the flaws…because they are real, and what make us human.
More importantly, when we take a step back and realize that these images we are scrolling through are just a highlight of a person’s life, not to be compared to our own, we can all feel confident in knowing that this idealistic “super mom” is about as real as the boogieman. After bringing life into this world, you can truly do anything, mama. Remind yourself of that daily and give yourself grace because you are everything your little ones need, and you are downright amazing.
Photos by Christina Jones Photography
