There is No Perfect Marriage

Jun 6

Marriage is so much more than a contract, it’s a Covenant. When you enter marriage with a covenant mentality, there is no question that you’re staying. Because you lay down your rights and assume your responsibilities, your first thoughts are for your spouse and you’re in it “for better or for worse.”

Do you see your marriage as a covenant or a contract? Be honest with yourself! Does it feel like a covenant in some areas and a contract in others? If so then that sounds like conditional love. Meaning, its okay in your marriage as long as both are in agreement, but when you’re opposed, it feels like a contract. Typically one spouse spends more time defending their position than trying to understand their spouses.

Contracts can be disputed and argued over

Time is wasted looking for loopholes, rather than working towards agreement or compromise.

In a Covenant, you think of your spouse first.

Sadly our culture has begun to devalue marriage and has turned it from a covenant to a simple contract. When instead sacrificial covenant says, “I surrender my rights and assume my responsibilities.” That means some people are entering marriage with one foot already out the door. They are in the marriage until the feelings fade, or until the pressure builds past their comfort level.

Marriage simply doesn’t work that way. It only works as a Covenant, with two spouses committed to sacrificing for each other and doing whatever it takes to succeed. Without this commitment, every significant problem becomes a threat to the marriage.

The best step you can make is to have healthy and consistent communication. It’s a great step in giving the enemy “NO PLACE” in your marriage.

If possible and appropriate, don’t settle on compromise. Ask your spouse what they think, and why they think it. Understanding “Why” is where the true value lies.

In the Bible, the word covenant means “to cut”. Every time a covenant was made, it involved sacrificing, or shedding of blood. In Luke 22:20 Jesus said, “This cup is a new covenant in my blood, with is poured out for you” Adam and Eve had a marriage covenant, too. God removed Adam’s rib to create Eve to be his wife. In other words, a covenant requires sacrifice.

In our marriage vows, we promise “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health” because we are making a permanent, sacrificial covenant. We roll up our sleeves and commit to the relationship with everything we have. We go, “ALL-IN” for our marriage. Are you “All In” or are you “Holding back”? If you are holding back is it because of past pain or lack of trust? Are you giving enough effort to create a margin to have some happiness, but remain guarded because of pain? If so then, I encourage you to give the Lord your pain and allow Him to show you how to open up to your spouse. Please know that seeking wise counsel isn’t a sign of weakness, its a sign of someone desiring to get better.

Understanding how to navigate through disagreements in our marriage was the beginning of the journey. Loving each other doesn’t mean every problem will automatically correct itself. It also doesn’t mean if it becomes difficult then we must be falling out of love. We MUST be intentional about our marriage. There are NO PERFECT MARRIAGES! But, there are some great marriages, and every great marriage requires a great deal of work. All the hard work is well worth it. Are you giving each other room to be imperfect? If not think of something your spouse does where you need to pull back and give grace.

In a covenant relationship, you’re in full agreement that whatever is mine is yours and whatever is yours is mine. Your focus should never be on what you can get out of the relationship. In a covenant relationship, the mindset is always on the other person first.

Are you up for the challenge? In what way can you put your spouse first today? It doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful. Let them make a decision. Go along with one of their ideas. It can be a simple as being willing to share that last bite of your favorite food. You may struggle with this one like I do, but its worth it and I’m still learning as well.

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